oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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