My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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