Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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