maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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