if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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