The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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