I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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