dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize