you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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