Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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