..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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