I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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