Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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