my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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