Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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