You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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