Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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