Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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