i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
porn star boner night. come get it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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