my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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