My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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