I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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