Betty ford says i'm here all night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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