Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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