Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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