She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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