Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry about my life...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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