last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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