wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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