Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize