I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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