its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize