i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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