At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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