I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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