I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize