Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize