i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize