you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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