Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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