Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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