i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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