Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize