all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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