I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize