I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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