I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize