uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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