She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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