Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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